Its not often that I write in here... just check the time stamps. It goes about 6 mo -1 yr between posts.
But over the last year, I've found that writing helps me process things going on in my life more than I could ever imagine. By NOT writing, I'm letting things move on past me without a glance and never really learning the purpose of that moment. So I'm hoping to start to change that.
I guess I'll start by saying it has been quite the unexpected year.
1 year ago, I was intent that God was punishing me, grieving and bearing loss I never thought imaginable and pushing family and friends away. But 1 year ago, God wrapped me in His arms and promised that He is still watching out for me.
1 year ago I met the boy I can finally say really understands who I am. 1 year ago I finally allowed myself to act myself once again. 1 year ago, I finally started liking who I am again.
1 year ago, things I thought could never be mended started healing in unexpected ways. I wish I had been writing down all those ways. But the few small letters that I have kept will serve as good reminders.
1 year ago, I thought God couldn't use someone who has fallen so far. But He has shown me more power and grace than ever imaginable.
The last few years, I have been directing a campus ministry called Lifesong. Its been rough in many ways. I'm still awake and writing this now mostly because we just had auditions and I had to send out dreaded rejection letters. But God has found a way to always provide the people necessary for the ministry and I truly believe this year will be no different.
The last few years, my love for the Middle East has only grown even though so has the violence. My love for a people and passion for building relationships has developed so much, and finally starting a journey towards my home.
1 year ago, I couldn't imagine God using me. But in this last year I've seen him build up students, help struggling churches, bring on revival, and heal. In the last year God has proven to be more constant than my fickle heart could even hope for and something to cling to when darkness was all I saw. This last year, God showed me that I can relate and impact people because of, in spite of, or despite of my past.
2 Months ago, I was sitting in a Starbucks and I looked at the table and saw the words "Reclaimed Urban Wood". The wording caught my eye, but sure enough the word "reclaimed" can also mean a form of being recycled. But the idea of being "claimed" by the creator of the universe and being claimed again despite having fallen away has been on my mind for months.
1 year ago, God took me on a journey to learn about intentionality, this year God is showing me the story of His grace.
So I'm not sure what I'll be writing about over these next few months. I know that the journey will be crazy. Trying to figure out where to go for missions training, whether or not I should take TESOL classes, how in the world I can raise 10k this year, and if I go to this undisclosed Middle Eastern country, what I'll be doing while there; but God has a plan for it all.
1 year ago, I had no idea how the Lord would be able to use this crazy mess I made for my life. But God has been reminding me that nothing can separate us from the Love of God. All things will be used to Glorify Him. I just have to be willing to be used.
